The Nigerian God

Nigeria. Perhaps, the coming of the whitemen was not really as bad as
our convictions.Our intellectuals,all of them, all of us,may have
condemned the white men's coming in the strongest term.
Most of us,if not all,had sworn never to forgive those
redheaded people. Recounting our grudges:they stole our good muscles,
made them slaves of the located lowest ranks. Took away our women,
used our natural and human resources, killed our culture, christened
us monkeys,and wasted those who resisted.
Infact,I can fill this write up with weighty grudges and swears of the
people against the whiteman's rule-Colonalism.
But it will be wholly unjust to place such subterfuge on the
revolutionary coming of the whitemen. We must observe it from a
different lens; it was not really as bad as we think. The whitemen
came with something good-God.You must,therefore, forgive their sins
for teaching us God. For bringing us God.
If there is anything worthwhile Nigerians learnt from the colonial
masters, it should be God. And we learnt well.We made him ours. We
made the Nigerian God.

God bless the soul of the whitemen,they are forgiven, all of them.

God is merciful, kind and compassionate. The Nigerian God is superb.He
has power over all things, nothing is impossible with him. Cast all
your worries. It will be taken care of.

The Nigerian God is in charge.

Bring on your problems,Nigerian God will solve it. He can do all
things. You doctor, God knows your hustle. Bring on your problems, he
will answer. People must fall sick,pray he will answer. Forget that
enemy of progress, that wicked pastor in a distant church near your
hospital,he will not mind his business. The Nigerian God will visit
him and bless him with a paralysis of the mouth. He shall never again,
truncate your job. Whatever happens to him,it's not your fault. He
doesn't want you to chop,always making divine promises of good health
and long life. Enemy of progress.

The Nigerian God can do all things. For politicians, he can win
elections. By his grace,every dream works. In business, he is a
provider. It doesn't matter what type of business you do;he is
everywhere: casket makers, grave digging,etcetera. He answers all
prayers.Pray.

The Nigerian God can make you pass exams,just pray. He know the
answers even before the questions were made.

Dear sister, that fat idiot, you have been going with him and it has
always been safe. Just two months ago, he came stupidly, you warned
him. He didn't listen. Only last week, you didn't see it. You were
worried, and informed him. Idiot, what did he do?. Take this money,
take care of yourself. Thanks to Funke, you sister from another
mother. She assured you of a nearest chemist, a specialist in "this
things". You refused, God forbid!. She remanded you of your mother-the
chairlady of CWO; you Papsi a Knight of St. Augustine. You accepted,
seek divine intervention from the Nigeria God. He is a merciful God.
It came successful. You were surprised by what that chemist dude
smilingly told you. For five years, by his grace (the Nigerian God) he
has been successful in this business. No one has ever died of
complications. You should be thankful to God, you have a good friend
as Funke. God is merciful.

The Nigerian God is powerful.

He wins election. He assures journey mercy on bad roads. He causes
NEPA to give power . He makes bosses pay salaries. He manages the
economy. He stabilises the oil price. He is a retaliatory hitman (back
to sender).

In fact, I could fill this page with the possibilities and
capabilities of the revered Nigeria God. Just believe, and bring
before him your problems.

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